


Before I Leave

by keepquietplease



Series: Sanders Sides Stories [11]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Angst, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Gen, He's not evil, Hurt/Comfort, I guess Thomas is a character but I'm not doing rpf so no, Insecure Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Me writing angst, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Good Friend, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Sweetheart, My first one without the human au, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Pre-Episode: Accepting Anxiety, There's cursing, Unsympathetic Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, a bit of, but not too much, he's just an asshole, it's more likely than you think, no
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:55:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25806979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keepquietplease/pseuds/keepquietplease
Summary: Here's hoping I make the person who requested this proud!  This is the first of the two you sent!  You logged in as a guest named Someone so I can't really gift the work, but hey.  Here's to Someone.Also, I am going to fuck up and call him Virgil because I'm a nightmare.  Enjoy my failures.  Call me out.Also I realized that canonically Virgil doesn't curse.  That fucking sucks for me, so I need to be careful to make sure he doesn't actually say a swear word.I apologize if Virgil does a swear out loud :(
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Platonic Moxiety - Relationship
Series: Sanders Sides Stories [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1837975
Comments: 6
Kudos: 100





	Before I Leave

**Author's Note:**

> Here's hoping I make the person who requested this proud! This is the first of the two you sent! You logged in as a guest named Someone so I can't really gift the work, but hey. Here's to Someone.  
> Also, I am going to fuck up and call him Virgil because I'm a nightmare. Enjoy my failures. Call me out.  
> Also I realized that canonically Virgil doesn't curse. That fucking sucks for me, so I need to be careful to make sure he doesn't actually say a swear word.  
> I apologize if Virgil does a swear out loud :(

Virgil knew the light sides didn't like him. Why would they? He was the literal embodiment of anxiety. No one wants anxiety, and he knew that. It, ironically, made him anxious about his place in their system. Yeah, he also was in charge of Thomas' fears, caution, and basic sense of safety. It was actually offensive to him being known just as anxiety. Yeah, none of the other sides or Thomas knew his name. Well, Janus and Remus did, but Virgil wasn't concerned with them. Plus, the light sides hated them and kept Thomas away from them. Just like they tried to do with him. Save Thomas from the scary sides.

Well sucks for them. Virgil appeared any time Thomas was worried, which was often. Like now, when Thomas was getting ready for a date. Was anyone happy to see Virgil? No. Was Virgil happy to be there? No. God no. He wished for once in his life that Thomas would just chill out. Roman and Logan were glaring at him the minute he appeared, and he is pretty sure he saw Patton's smile drop for a second. Fine. That was fine. Who cares? He just stayed in his spot, not saying anything. He didn't want to be the bad guy anymore than he already was. Apparently this caused more stress for them all. Everyone kept glancing at him, waiting for something. Waiting for the bad news. They wouldn't be having a problem if Virgil wasn't here, right?

"Anxiety?" Patton pushed gently, smiling. "Do you have anything to say about the date? About Thomas' outfit?"

"No? I mean, he seems fine." Virgil gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. There was so much he wanted to say.

"You can share--"

"What if the conversation dies and he can't think of anything? What do we do if the guy is a total jerk? What do we do if he embarrasses himself? We need a plan, like staying here and not going out. It's safer!" Virgil said before realizing he was doing exactly what they expected--what he was meant to do. Dampen the mood. Make everyone real uncomfortable. He could sink out at any moment.

"Very good concerns, but what if we thought about the best possibility?" Patton asked, still staring straight at Virgil. Why? Why was he pushing him? Was it to make him the villain and make everyone hate him? "What are your thoughts on that?"

"Well, then we pull it off and have to decide whether we want to commit or not. Then we have to worry about the second date, and what if he's not looking for the same thing we are? We don't actually know how it's going to go. Why are you asking me about this?"

"Yes, why are you asking him?" Roman said with a look of disbelief. "Thomas, I'm sure it'll go perfectly! You will meet the prince of your dreams tonight, and Anxiety won't ruin that for you!"

"I don't know, I mean, can't we make a script? Just as a backup plan?" 

"Anxiety has a point." Logan said, ignoring Roman's sputtering. "Though his logic is often flawed, which I proved during our debate, a script would keep him out of sight during the date."

"Logan--" Patton started, but was cut off instantly.

"Fine! We'll do a script! Anything to keep Moaning Murtle out of the picture."

Great. Great. Virgil just wanted to disappear. Keep him out of the whole picture. Fine. He could be out of the picture. No, that wouldn't help. Maybe it would? He didn't know. He was sort of tuning out the script making. Logan was keeping them grounded to reality, which was good. They didn't need Virgil to make a script. They did need him to get the idea. Virgil had to remind himself to think like Patton for a minute. He had a purpose. He made an impact. Was it good or bad? Well, let's put that idea away for now. That was not the focus here. The focus was that Virgil still played an important part.

"Anxiety? How does the script sound? Ask about his interests?" Patton wouldn't stop. This wasn't even a video. It was literally two hours before the date. This was real life. Why did he keep asking Virgil? "Does that sound good?"

"Yeah, whatever. I mean, yes. As long as we plan for any question he'll ask, then--"

"Oh, why are you even here? No one wants you around!" Roman spat, and Virgil tried to convince himself it was because Roman was as nervous as he was. "You don't belong with us. You belong with them."

Ouch. That one hurt, and sure, Roman tried to backtrack, but Virgil was now completely shutting them all out. He just stayed there, staring at the floor in silence. Waiting for this to be over. Once Thomas left, it would be okay. He could just disappear for a bit. Maybe grab a snack. He was craving doughnuts for some reason. Maybe a blueberry doughnut. No, no, strawberry frosted. Did he even have doughnuts? 

Finally Thomas left. Virgil immediately sunk out before anyone could say anything. He sunk to Thomas' old mind palace. It wasn't in use since it was left during Making Some Changes. Virgil was pretty sure this is the safest place he could be. Sure, the others wouldn't try to get him when he was in his room, but he could be easily found there. No one would look here. No one would look in general. He was safe by himself. He was safe when he didn't speak to the others. He was safe in his own bubble.

Yup. He wasn't lonely or defeated at all. He was a scary, strong dark side. He was intimidating. He was. . . so lonely. The other dark sides were fine, he guessed, but sometimes they were super intense. Remus was also kind of scary, but so was Roman, so whatever. He was bordering in between the dark and light, and he hated it. He sometimes hurt Thomas, but that wasn't all he did. His name was different from everyone. Different ending. Light sides ended with an 'n' and the dark sides with an 's.' He ended with an 'l,' which Virgil could joke meant loser.

It stopped being funny after he started internalizing it, but hey.

He curled up, enjoying his corner immensely. It was warm and dark, which usually made him happy. It's why his room and his corner were so dark. It was a safe area for him to cool down for a bit. 

"Anxiety?"

"Oh what the--"

Patton sunk in, startling Virgil. He looked so worried. "Hey kiddo. You feeling alright? You left in such a hurry! Made me a bit worried! Roman stepped out of line, didn't he? You know he didn't mean what he said, right?"

"I don't know that. He could have easily meant it! He probably does! Also why did you look here?"

"I guessed!" 

Virgil covered his mouth, hiding a smile. Patton looked so proud of himself. It made Virgil kind of happy to see him so excited.

"Now, I know Roman and Logan said a lot of hurtful things which wasn't okay, but you shouldn't take that to heart! You're wanted by all of us, even if those two don't understand how to show that yet. I'm going to have a talk with them later about all of this. They're not allowed to treat you in this way."

"I'm really okay. Their words don't bother me--"

"We both know that's not true."

"I'm fine. It doesn't matter anyway. It's true. I'm one of the dark sides. I don't deserve to be in the videos. I don't deserve to be included in your meetings. I should stay the bad guy. That's how everyone sees me, and it's correct. Thomas would be better off if I just left."

"No! No that wouldn't be good at all! It would be awful without you!" Patton moved closer, trying real hard not to hug Virgil so tight that he couldn't breathe. "Hey, want to wear my glasses?"

"Why would I want to wear your glasses?"

"Because you'd look so adorable! Also because they might make you feel better."

Virgil couldn't blink before Patton took off his glasses and placed them on the anxious side's face. Virgil could still see, seeing as the glasses weren't real. They were parts of a mind, not actual people. He did end up smiling without hiding it. Patton looked really happy, and that made Virgil happy. They were definitely askew. He tried to adjust them, but for some reason they kept slipping a bit.

"Awww! You look so cute with glasses!" Patton gushed, making Virgil smile more. "You feeling better?"

"A bit."

"Want some cookies? We can sneak into the kitchen?"

"I really don't feel like seeing Roman right now."

"Want me to get you some cookies?"

Virgil nodded, watching Patton sink out. Virgil kept adjusting the glasses on his face, feeling a calming sense as he fidgeted with the accessory. He didn't mind Patton. He considered Patton one of his friends. He was totally still going to dip out for a day to see if it helped, but for now he relaxed. He looked around the place

"I got brownies and cookies!" Patton popped up again, holding two trays. "I just remembered I could've just summon the food instead of going to get it, but hey! Now we have two treats!"

Virgil nodded, taking off the glasses. "Thanks Pat. Want these back?"

"Maybe, but after we eat until our stomachs hurt. They make you happy, so you can wear them for a bit longer."

Virgil put them back on before sitting in the center of the room with Patton who was cutting the brownies for them to eat. Virgil leaned against him, making Patton smile immensely. 

"Want to cuddle for a bit?"

"If you tell anyone--"

"I can keep a secret." Patton pulled him closer before handing him a snack. Virgil took it, putting most of his weight onto Patton as they sat together, enjoying a moment of peace before another dilemma appeared for them to figure out. "Hey Anxiety?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't ever think you need to disappear."

"I can't promise that."

"Well, then, come to me first."

"I can't promise that either."

"I know. Just know I won't let you disappear."

Virgil didn't respond. He just took a cookie and enjoyed the moment. At least he had Patton.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope I did it right.  
> I'm very excited for the next one because Remus canonically curses, and it's not like I need to curse, but since I'm living at home due to COVID shutting down my university, I am not allowed to curse without my parents going "hey!"  
> Also I was rereading one of my texts, and not related, but I got dumber as I got older. I used 'their' to mean 'there' which isn't awful, but when I was nine I read and understood Shakespeare, and now I can't write.  
> What happened to me?
> 
> Call me out if I make a typo! Tell me to edit!


End file.
